predencia

You are my goal, my Father. Only You.

Where would I go but Heaven? What could be a substitute for happiness? What gift could I prefer before the peace of God? What treasure would I seek and find and keep that can compare with my Identity? And would I rather live with fear than love?

You are my goal, my Father. What but You could I desire to have? What way but that which leads to you could I desire to walk? And what except the memory of You could signify to me the end of dreams and futile substitutions for the truth? You are my only goal. Your son would be as You created him. What way but this could I expect to recognise my Self, and be at one with my Identity?

Awake at 8 a.m. after only three hours sleep, head full of insights and ideas for new projects, writing, filming, acting. I quite fancy the idea of doing sketches based around poetry, music and short dramatic pieces. I know it’s been done, but not by me yet. My story has not yet been told in this way.

The course lesson and the ‘Walking in This World’ lesson strongly reinforce the idea that when we are at one with our ‘art’ we are at one with God. It felt like the whole process of putting the event together, and then effectively starring in it, has helped me to tap into a reservoir of creative potential. All I’m asking for now, God, is the energy to complete them.

I’ve had lots of texts, emails, and phone calls saying how much people enjoyed the evening. I’m now going to write a blog ‘how to run a successful book launch on a shoestring’. That’s my next project. I’ve also realised that I need to read some more novels in order to find the structure for the next novel.

I AM BRIMMING WITH POTENTIAL!!

The hush of Heaven holds my heart today.

Father, how still today! How quietly do all things fall in place! This is the day that has been chosen as the time in which I come to understand the lesson that there is no need that I do anything. In You is every choice already made. In You has every conflict been resolved. In You is everything I hope to find already given me. Your peace is mine. My heart is quiet, and my mind at rest. Your love is Heaven, and Your Love is mine.

The stillness of today will give us hope that we have found the way, and travelled far along it to a wholly certain goal. Today we will not doubt the end which God Himself has promised us. We trust in Him, and in our Self, Who still is one with Him.

Yes, this lesson too is tracking my life. The day of my book(s) and CD launch. The day when I missed my turning by being too focused on learning my lines, and ended up in a twenty minute traffic jam on the way to pick up my friend from the station. A day when I had opportunity to reflect on the delay and remember the lesson. How quietly do all things fall into place. The jam was one way of slowing me down, helping me to remember that all things will fall into place when I quietly remember God. From that point (about 3.30 p.m.), I totally handed over the rest of the day to God, and watched him work a miracle of a night.

When I got past my initial panic of ‘Oh my God, no-one’s going to come,’ people started to flow in, till the seats were all taken and a few people were forced to stand or sit on the edge of tables. The evening flowed like a dream, and even when it was officially finished people stayed and continued to chat, to exchange ideas and numbers, to eat birthday cake, chocolates and to drink rum punch. It was nearly 12.30 a.m. before we left, high as kites from the excitement and the energy.

It was only then that I allowed myself to relax with a few glasses of rum punch and my take home birthday cake (it was one of the bookshop’s volunteer’s birthday and we celebrated it with her). I turned my light off at 5 a.m. to the gentle stirrings of the birds.

My holiness shines bright and clear today.

Today I wake with joy, expecting but the happy things of God to come to me. I ask but them to come, and realise my invitation will be answered by the thoughts to which it has been sent by me. And I will ask for only joyous things the instant I accept my holiness. For what would be the use of pain to me, what purpose would my suffering fulfil, and how would grief and loss avail me if insanity departs from me today, and I accept my holiness instead?

Father, my holiness is Yours. Let me rejoice in it, and through forgiveness be restored to sanity. Your Son is still as You created him. My holiness is part of me, and also part of You. And what can alter Holiness Itself?

After only four hours sleep I awoke with a long list of things to complete for my book launch tomorrow. All bleary eyed I read the lesson and was instantly transformed by the first sentence. I changed my expectation from ‘long and tiring’ to ‘fun and happy’ and have been rewarded accordingly. Things fell into place easily. I worked steadily throughout the day, and accepted help when it was offered. Blowing up balloons with a nine year old made it feel so much like planning for a party, and that’s exactly what it’s going to be tomorrow night. A launch party! With friends and family.

So, the rum punch is made (and very lovely it is too… if I do say so myself… well, actually, others in the house said so too), the balloons are blown, the flowers are arranged, the books are sorted, the poems rehearsed. I’m tired but happily going to bed to wake to more joy tomorrow.

I can elect to change all thoughts that hurt.

Loss is not loss when properly perceived. Pain is impossible. There is no grief with any cause at all. And suffering of any kind is nothing but a dream. This is the truth, at first to be but said and then repeated many times; and next to be accepted as but partly true, with many reservations. Then to be considered more seriously more and more, and finally accepted as the truth. I can elect to change all thoughts that hurt. And I would go beyond these words today, and past all reservations, and arrive at full acceptance of the truth in them.

Father, what You have given cannot hurt, so grief and pain must be impossible. Let me not fail to trust in You today, accepting but the joyous as Your gifts; accepting but the joyous as the truth.

Last night I went to bed full of grief and regret, full of longing for what I considered a loss of mammoth proportions. Then I woke up to this lesson, and, not for the first time, wondered, ‘is the course tracking my life?’ I found a great deal of peace from carrying this lesson around with me today. Somehow the angst of yesterday melted under the onslaught of the affirmation ‘I can elect to change all thoughts that hurt.

It was therefore a very productive day, the plans for Caribbean Juices are being rolling out nicely. Got an extra plug on Newstyle Radio today – Ali Maadi was being interviewed by Gail. Between them I hope they’ve raved about it enough to attract those people who are not already booked to see Beres Hammond and Tarrus Riley, or Tonya Bolton’s Holy and Horny, or any of the mass of other events going on this Saturday.

Another day when I was reminded that I have to trust – not everything is in my control, some things are in God’s hands.

My true identity abides in You.

Father, I made an image of myself, and it is this I call the Son of God. Yet is creation as it always was, for Your creation is unchangeable. Let me not worship idols. I am he my father loves. My holiness remains the light of Heaven and the Love of God. Is not what is beloved of You secure? Is not the light of Heaven infinite? Is not Your Son my true Identity, when you created everything that is?

Now are we one in shared Identity, with God our Father as our only Source, and everything created part of us. And so we offer blessing to all things, uniting lovingly with all the world, which our forgiveness has made one with us.

Try as I might today, I could not shake the feeling of guilt. Guilt that I had wronged a friend, that I had acted selfishly and put our friendship in danger. I had a feeling I had hurt him very much, and even as my spiritual self said ‘you cannot hurt anyone’ my human head, my ego, kept telling me I had caused someone else to hurt.

How is it that you can know something to be true, and yet ignore it when the urge to wallow in guilt overtakes. I could not shift it all day. I sought solace in the lesson, but it wasn’t making sense, like I’d created a mental block to keep it out and let my guilt run riot. Not even the half bottle of wine helped. Hope I feel better tomorrow.

I will not be afraid of love today.

If I could realise but this today, salvation would be reached for all the world. This the decision not to be insane, and to accept myself as God Himself, my father and my Source, created me. This the determination not to be asleep in dreams of death, while truth remains forever living in the joy of love. And this the choice to recognise the Self Whom God created as the Son He loves, and Who remains my one Identity.

Father, Your Name is Love and so is mine. Such is the truth. And can the truth be changed by merely giving it another name? The name of fear is simply a mistake. Let me not be afraid of truth today.

Sometimes letting go can be so hard, even when one knows it the right thing to do. I was afraid that I did not love enough, that if I loved enough I would try harder, but surely love shouldn’t be hard work.

I performed dance tonight at the Writer’s Without Borders final performance at the Library Theatre, part of the Birmingham Book Festival. It was well received; someone even asked me if I’d teach her how to dance.

Lost my car key and had to draw on the generosity of a friend to retrieve the spare and go back for my car. He said no payment was required, just a dance dedicated to him at the launch on Saturday, as he missed the WWB one.

I had to remind myself frequently today of yesterday’s lesson; I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts, and be mindful that I wasn’t hurting myself.

I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts.

Father, Your Son is perfect. When I think that I am hurt in any way, it is because I have forgotten who I am, and that I am as You created me. Your Thoughts can only bring me happiness. If ever I am sad or hurt or ill, I have forgotten what You think, and put my little meaningless ideas in place of where Your Thoughts belong, and where they are. I can be hurt by nothing but my thoughts. The thoughts I think with You can only bless. The Thought I think with You alone are true.

I will not hurt myself today. For I am beyond all pain. My Father placed me safe in Heaven, watching over me. And I would not attack the Son He loves, for what He loves is also mine to love.

I tried hard to live the lesson today, trying to remember often throughout the day that I am perfect, and would do nothing to hurt myself. Then I blew it for a while when I was on the train, on the way back from London.

The train staff had forgotten to reserve any seats so just sat in another seat, because someone was sitting in mine. A couple came and insisted that I was sitting in their seat, despite me pointing out to them that there were no reservations. They went away and came back after a while to tell me that the train manager said I had to move. While writing in a note whose cover bears the words ‘actions speak louder than words’ I refused to move and demanded that they bring the train driver to tell me himself. At this point a gentleman who was sitting at another table offered to move so that they could sit there.

The issue was resolved. My victory felt very hollow, as I realised that I’d missed an opportunity to refrain from attack. I sat there, scribbling away, asking myself ‘what would Jesus have done?’