Today we will be considering the will you share with God. This is not the same as the ego’s idle wishes, out of which darkness and nothingness arise. The will you share with God has all the power of creation in it. The ego’s idle wishes are unshared, and therefore have no power at all.
Idle wishes and grievances are partners or co-workers in picturing the world you see. The wishes of the ego gave rise to it, and the ego’s need for grievances, which are necessary to maintain it, people it with figures that seem to attack you and call for ‘righteous’ judgement.
Your picture of the world can only mirror what is within. The source of neither light nor darkness can be found without. Grievances darken your mind, and you look out on a darkened world. Forgiveness lifts the darkness, reasserts your will, and lets you look upon a world of light.
We will begin the longer practice periods with the recognition that only God’s plan for salvation is wholly in accord with your will. After reminding yourself of this, tell yourself with gentle firmness and quiet certainty:
‘I will there be light. Let me behold the light that reflects God’s will and mine.’
Then let your will assert itself, joined with the power of God and united with your Self. The shorter version, repeated several times and hour is:
‘I will there be light. Darkness is not my will.’
Well, in case I didn’t get the message, here it is, presented in a different form. Grievances block my salvation, my happiness. I meditated on the lesson (usually I meditate first) because it felt right. Was there something I was missing, was there a reason they’ve presented this topic so many times, is it so stubborn a one to shift?
Here’s what I got in meditation. I’m only unhappy when I’m not getting, when I feel there’s something lacking, and its someone else’s responsibility to provide it. When I let go of my expectations of others I’m happy, when I hold on to what they didn’t do, or are not doing, I’m unhappy. Can it be that simple? Can it be that difficult? Just yesterday I was giving someone a hard time for not providing what I needed. The thing is, he didn’t even know that he was supposed to be providing it. How crazy is that. How many times have we castigated people for not meeting a need they didn’t even know about, then castigated them further because ‘THEY SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!’ They should have been mind readers. Yes! I’m beginning to see why they’ve repeated this concept so often.
On the novel front. The editing was like wading through treacle today. I’m exhausted now. I need to find the energy for one last push to get it completed by Sunday. Of the 77 pages I wanted to complete today to achieve the target, I managed 20. Need a big push over the next few days. I am wearing a hole in the carpet where I’ve been sitting to write.