‘Holding grievances is an attack on God’s plan.’
While we have recognised that the ego’s plan for salvation is the opposite of God’s, we have not yet emphasized that it is an active attack on His plan, and a deliberate attempt to destroy it. In the attack, God is assigned the attributes which are actually associated with the ego, while the ego appears to take on the attributes of God.
It is perhaps not so apparent why holding grievances is an attack on God’s plan for salvation. But let us consider the kinds of things that you are apt to hold grievances for. Are they not always associated with something a body does? A person says something you do not like. He does something that displeases you. He ‘betrays’ his hostile thoughts in his behaviour.
You are not dealing here with what the person is. On the contrary, you are exclusively concerned with what he does in a body. You are doing more than failing to help in freeing him from the body’s limitations. You are actively trying to hold him to it by confusing it with him, and judging them as one. Herein is God attacked, for if his son is only a body, so must He be as well. A creator wholly unlike his creation is inconceivable.
As long as we attack it we cannot understand what God’s plan is for us. In the longer practice periods we will try to lay judgement aside and ask what God’s plan for us is:
‘What is salvation Father? I do not know. Tell me, that I may understand‘
The shorter periods (two per hour) should begin with:
‘Holding grievances is and attack on God’s plan for salvation. Let me accept it instead. What is salvation, Father?
Then wait in silence and listen for his answer.
This is the longest and most complex lesson so far. The text is quite convoluted and goes on for nearly three pages (1500 words) whereas some have been as few as 300 words and relative straight forward. There is a definite attempt to drum home the connection between holding grievances and inhibiting our experience of happiness, which is what our salvation is. So, I searched within the deepest recesses of my soul for any grievances that could still be lurking there and found a few, not only dug in, but clinging on for dear life when I’ve tried to pull them out. They are the ‘how dare they’ ‘how could they’ ‘I don’t believe s/he did’ ‘how insensitive’ ‘how inconsiderate’ etc ones.
Even ones I thought I’d booted out some time ago, during my most intensive forgiving phase, had somehow found a way to slide back and lay low, like a virus on my hard drive, slowing down my most effective and efficient functioning. I’m realising that this letting go of grievances is a constant daily thing, like dusting. If dust is not to be given an opportunity to settle it must be moved everyday. This, I am realising is the purpose of daily meditation, it is the constant cleansing of the physical, emotional and spiritual bodies. Otherwise, like dust the grievances gently fall and accumulate. It is the defrag of the hard drive. The job is never done.
I’m still editing the novel. There’s another job that requires patience. One of my clients has a saying ‘the reward for patience is patience’. I need a big dollop right now. I checked out the title I have in mind on Amazon and stopped looking after the first eight pages.