Let every voice but God’s be still in me.
Father, today I would but hear Your Voice. In deepest silence I would come to You, to hear Your Voice and to receive Your Word. I have no prayer but this; I come to You to ask for the truth. And truth is but Your will, which I would share with You today.
Today we let no ego thoughts direct our words or actions. When such thoughts occur, we quietly step back and look at them, and them we let them go. We do not want what they would bring with them. And so we do not choose to keep them. They are silent now. And in the stillness, hallowed by His Love, God speaks to us and tells us of our will, as we have chosen to remember Him.
In the silence I created today to listen to God’s voice, I did a lot of reflecting. I read the course text (page 451) on Faith, Belief and Vision, and was hit with what felt like a Bazooka as one of the corner stones of my beliefs was shaken to its core. It was the way in which we use ‘fairness’.
All special relationships have sin as their goal. For they are bargains with reality, toward which the seeming union is adjusted. Forget not this; to bargain is to set a limit, and any brother with whom you have a limited relationship, you hate. You may attempt to keep the bargain in the name of ‘fairness’, sometimes demanding payment of yourself, perhaps more often of the other. Thus in the ‘fairness’ you attempt to ease the guilt that comes from the accepted purpose of the relationship. And that is why the Holy Spirit must change its purpose and make it useful to Him and harmless to you.
I have always prided myself on being ‘fair,’ and have a measure of fairness, which has generally worked for me. Its one of the adjectives people use about me, ‘Predencia’s fair’ the children I used to work with used to say. It was a standard I held high. Now here I am being told that it’s an expression of hate, that its merely a way of keeping score and demanding payment to ease guilt.
I don’t mind admitting that I was rocked, and read the whole section to find some solace, some mitigating exclusions when my fairness would be acceptable. And yet, looking deep inside, I had to admit that I have kept score. When I’ve done so much, I expect something back. Here’s the irony, not from strangers, but from those closest to me, from the special relationships. It was so distressing; I had to hand over all my special relationships to the Holy Spirit, in case I descended into self-flagellation.
Many small opportunities came up today for me to reflect on my issues of ‘fairness’ Its one part of the course I would have liked to slide by, but as I’ve decided to accept it in its entirety there is nowhere to hide from this. I need a miracle here, for this one goes deep.