‘It can be but my gratitude I earn.’
Here is the second step we take to free your mind from the belief in outside force pitted against your own. You make attempts at kindness and forgiveness. Yet you turn them to attack again, unless you find external gratitude and lavish thanks. Your gifts must be received with honour, lest they be withdrawn. And so you think God’s gifts are loans at best; at worst, deceptions which would cheat you of defences, to ensure that when He strikes He will not fail to kill.
How easily are God and guilt confused by those who know not what their thoughts can do? God blesses every gift you give to Him, and every gift is given Him, because it can be given only to yourself.
The day began at 6 a.m., working on the novel – checking the manuscript for corrections against proofread manuscript. A long, tedious, but essential task, but I completed it in time to send the few alternations still required back to the publisher.
Then the day just got very busy with viewings and a move in, which lasted a full two hours – my longest to date. I kept reminding myself that every time I forgave anyone, (and I had a lot to forgive today) I was forgiving myself. So I guess there was a lot I had to forgive myself for today. And yet, after all this time, it still sometimes feels that forgiving is ‘letting them off the hook.’ But then, why would I want to keep anyone on a hook?