Illusions was mentioned in two of the lessons today, ‘let me not cherish illusions about myself. I am perfect because God goes with me wherever I go. Beyond His will lies only illusions.’
I did a mystery shopping assignment today where I had to go and pretend that I wanted an item I would not use in a month of Sundays, and I had to obviously be convincing enough not to alert the staff to my true status. It made me think of the pretence we put up every day, least we get found out for who we truly are. At least I only had to do it for 15 minutes today, but I thought back to the many years I spent in employment, in fear of being found out as an imposter. The higher up the career rung I climbed, the greater my fear became, because the more inadequate I felt; the more I felt was expected of me, the more terrified I became that I wouldn’t be able to deliver. I live with a premanent undercurrent of fear.
The assurance in Lesson 42 that, ‘your passage through time and space is not at random. You cannot but be in the right place at the right time, is extremely liberating, especially when I add, ‘doing the right thing.’
After watching a programme on BBC 2 last night called ‘The Truth About Exercise,’ I decided to do a lot more moving about today. I washed and vacuumed my car, instead of taking it to the car wash. I walked to my assignment. I had plenty of opportunity to run up and down the stairs, and feel that my internal organs have been spared from a little less fat. The down side of all this activity is that I got very little writing done, no more than about 200 words. Movement and writing are not natural bedfellows. The irony is that I only have, at most, another two chapters to complete the first bit of telling the story.
Like the horse in Animal Farm, ‘I must try harder.’ A plus though is that I’ve started a blog for the www.pennydixon.com website, as I received yet another text about the book. People are texting me directly, instead of leaving their comments on the website. Still, gives me a reason to update the site often.
Tomorrow is another day. I wonder how life will surprise me.